Wednesday, July 6, 2011

The Valley of the Shadow of Death

Most of you probably thought I had posted my last update, and I thought I had too. Last week there were days when I was sure I wouldn't live 'til the end of the day, although I can't describe what's going on as physical pain. My body is beginning to shut down. We were able to find a couple of simple ways to relieve the toxic buildup in my body, and although I can still feel that I am quickly coming to the end of my life here on earth, my eyes and skin are no longer yellow, I can think very clearly, the swelling I was beginning to have has gone away, my nausea is somewhat decreased, and I can eat and drink a little. My oncologist said that as long as we can keep the toxins drained, and keep a little food in me, this process will be eased considerably. One thing that has helped has been ionic foot baths. I've seen those things advertised and thought they were a bunch of baloney, but I immediately felt relief when I had one. So if you also thought they were baloney, think again.

I began having a marked decline at the end of May. After about a week of increasing symptoms, the discomfort settled down, and I was able to function better. I thought maybe I had just ingested too much of some kind of vitamin and needed a break from the greens. But then I began having trouble with regular nausea and could not chew my raw food without getting sick. The oncologist couldn't see why I would be having these problems since my blood work was showing normal results, and my liver ultrasound didn't show anything new. She scheduled a PET scan. Just last week she called me to say that my labs were not as good as she had thought. A portion of them had been signed by another doctor on the team, and she had not seen that part. But my tumor markers had quadrupled in May and my liver enzymes were messed up. I felt relieved in a way to know that what I was experiencing had an explanation - even though it was the cancer. The PET scan was cancelled at my request. (Lest any of you feel defensive on my behalf, this "mistake" would not have changed anything - it would just have given me longer to know what was happening. Once this process starts, only God could stop or reverse it, and He doesn't usually choose to do so.)

I realized right away that we had entered the final phase of my life, and I am very, very ready for it. I've wished, as I've faced the surprising battles of the last few weeks, that someone could tell me what to expect, what I might struggle with, what to be prepared for. I'm so accustomed to researching and preparing for what is ahead. But people don't come back from the dead to guide us, and Jesus Christ is the only one who has done it perfectly anyway. So I'm glad to say, I have that Someone I need and He is daily making Himself more dear to me. I truly cannot wait to see Him.

All that said, I do want to share some of my experience in this valley of the shadow of death before it's too late. I want to acknowledge the struggles and let you know that God has overcome them. I want to tell all of you that He is doing and will do the same for you. Whether or not you see it is between you and God, but I want to shout from the rooftops that if you will just believe Him, even though you can't understand now, even though some things hurt now, He will never truly hurt you. The pain we feel is a reminder that He is making it more than better - He's redeeming things so perfectly, that the pleasure He's preparing for me is beyond my comprehension; and so, even the pain is a grand evidence of His grace.

I have been blind-sided by some of my battles since the end of May. I went througha few days of being terrified that what I had placed my faith in was not real, that I had missed the truth somehow. God took my heart, my eyes, and my mind, and made me see how everything I have learned about Him, everything that has become dear and a comfort to me, is reinforced in every single area of our lives. He is constantly showing us His truth through what He gives us - the earth, people, and especially His Word. And suddenly, all those seeming contradictions we struggle with, all the whys, the unlikely reconciling of the effects of evil with the omniscient good, all those questions about ultimate truth, popped into focus. This is not the end. God has been preparing me for what comes next. And if trouble is part of the preparation, than I can view it as painful training, but not as ultimately powerful evil.

Another difficulty was the weight of my regrets. Everyone who knows me would say that I've lived a good life. And I have. I have been faithful to my husband, I haven't abandoned myself to drugs, I've tried to do what's good for others, I've gone to church regularly, I've prayed and read my Bible, I've invested in my children, I've striven to honor my parents, I've apologized when I was wrong. But it's not enough. It's not enough. My regrets were overwhelming me. Why did I yell at the kids? Why did I rip at my husband? Why didn't I invest more in that lady? Why did I say those cutting things? Why didn't I just resolve that bitterness I've been carrying? As well as I lived my life, it wasn't anywhere near good enough. And the weight is heavy because now there isn't time to re-do or fix. Jesus Christ took my memory and reminded me of the Scripture that my mother and others have poured into it. "Truly, I tell you, he who hears my word, and believes on Him who sent me, has everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death into life." John 5:25 "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39) "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1) These Scripture reminders washed over me and reminded me that Jesus has taken care of all my regrets for me.

But then I thought of the people who have regrets that we all recognize for what they are - big, ugly, havoc-wreaking, self-centered, world-altering mistakes. How do you deal with your regrets when you get where I am? Because you will be here. The most healthy diet in the world will not help you avoid this moment. Look at God's word and be comforted even more deeply than I have been. You also can have no condemnation in Christ Jesus. He doesn't care how bad you or others think your mistakes are. Any mistake of any size is enough to separate you from God in your death, but no mistake of any size is enough to keep Christ from rescuing you just as He has done for me.

As I've become more and more unable to handle what have been my responsibilities, I have struggled viciously with giving up control. I am ashamed to say how many times in the last few days I have lost control of my temper as my duties were handled by someone else or not handled at all. I've felt panicked that I won't be able to prepare my family for what's coming, to live life without me. I have dragged my family on this emotional roller coaster of trying-to-control. But God is getting a hold of my fears, and helping me to trust Him - that whatever He allows during this time is part of my preparation and the preparation of those around me to enjoy Him. My house and family do not have to be handled my way in order to accomplish God's goals.

I've thought so often of John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress. That man must have lived in the valley of the shadow for a long time in order to be able to describe it so well. His description of Christian's soul-scraping struggles and fears, and then victory, is the most accurate picture of what's been raging inside me that I can think of. I'm so thankful that ultimate victory is waiting.

I am aware that many people from different perspectives read my blog. I have atheist, agnostic, Hindu, Jain, Wiccan, Mormon, Jewish, Buddhist, Christian, and wildly-searching friends and aquaintances. I don't know the spiritual persuasions of many of you. But I know this. You will all face what I am facing now. I want for everyone of you to be blessed with the peace and confidence that Christ has given me. I wish that everyone could see during their whole lives what I am seeing so clearly now. God loves us all so completely. His plan has never been to destroy us, but to redeem us and all of His creation perfectly. There is another someone who hates us completely because we are the creation of his Enemy, and he never stops trying to deceive and destroy us as long as we are on this earth. Christ has offered the solution, but we have such a hard time trusting that He truly is the way. We are afraid that if He even is who He claims to be, He is just waiting to slap us into judgement, or at best to take us to a place where we will sit around and sing for eternity. (Sorry, but singing has never been one of my great pleasures, although I do love the words to songs. So I had a hard time getting excited about that view of Heaven.) He tells us so clearly what He wants for us, yet for some reason, we usually don't see it. But it's there, and you will see it too. I hope you will embrace it when you do, that you will search for it when you don't, that you will plead with God to prepare you for eternity with Him. Eternity is real, and you don't want to live it without God and His redemption of all your mistakes. You don't want to miss what is waiting for those who choose to trust God's love.

For God so loved the world,

that He gave His only begotten Son,

that whosoever believes in Him should not perish

but have everlasting life.

John 3:16


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Jayanthi Anantharaj said...

Ohhh....dear Amy, tears are streaming as I read your update and we will continue to pray for you & your sweet family. The testimony of your words,truly amazing! Though, I have only known you for a short while, yet I've been edified & encouraged by all your posts and your faith & the infinite grace that God has poured in your life to trust in Him completely has been astounding to me. I love you!

Christina Genae said...

Amy, There are no words that sufficiently describe how you have impacted my life as I've watched you walk through this valley. I pray that I have just a fraction of the strength and grace you've shown. We are praying for you and your family.

Amanda said...

Thank you Amy, I need this reminder of God's love and Grace and endurance this morning. I love you!

Amanda Stroh

Anonymous said...

Amy, tears are streaming and my heart is breaking. You were such a dear friend to me in college. Such a godly example and help. I am so glad that we have kept in touch. Your testimony has brought Glory to our Savior! You have been such an encouragement as a wife, mother and friend. I am praying for you and for your dear family. Thank you for all you are and have been, my friend. I love you.


Anonymous said...

This is so precious, Amy. Thank you for sharing your heart and God's love with us. I love you dear neice. I am praying for you and your dear ones. Love, Aunt Becky

Heather Wolfe said...

Thank You so much for this reminder and being so candid. I am praising God, that Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe. We are continuing to pray for you and your sweet family.

David B. Bell, PhD said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting this update, Amy. I am thankful for your transparency, impressed by your bravery, and blessed by your trust and faith in God. Your journey here will be a blessing to your family for years to come. It will be wonderful to meet you one day in the Shining City across the R
iver. Continuiing to pray for you! The Arnolds, Greer, SC

Katha Lankford said...

Amy--thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for his beautiful testimony! It has brought such encouragement and joy to my heart. How wonderful that God has given you the strength and wisdom to write this. I admire you so much, dear friend. You have made our Lord your focus, and that is what it's all about. We love you and your family, and have been praying for you. We pray others will come to know Christ because of your testimony. It is going to be so awesome spending eternity together. "They'll be no sorrows there, no more burdens to bear, no more sickness, no pain, no more parting over there; And forever I will be with the One who died for me. What a day, glorious day, that will be!"

Connie Stone said...

What an impact on the intentional decision to share your journey that Father is giving you! It's so're true peace in this part of your journey! Thank you, Amy, for sharing your struggles...and your joys. Great is His faithfulness!

Maribel said...

Amy, you are a great example to us. I have used your testimony to encourage others. Your life is an encouragement to us. We pray that the Lord will guide you and your loved ones. His way is perfect. Love, and prayers.

David and Maribel Bell

Anonymous said...

Amy, Your post is such a blessing to me. The Lord is continuing to use you as a witness for him. I love you so much, and am praying for you and your family continually. I love you, Amy, and know I will most likely not be able to see you again on this earth, but I will see you in heaven. Aunt Sarah

AJane said...

That is the most powerful thing I have ever read in my life. I am overwhelmed by thoughts and feelings, so much so that I cannot think of a way to express them... but I cannot help but concede, my dearest Amy, that you have already expressed them all for me. I have silently read your blog since the beginning. There were moments of frustration and to my shame, anger -I was an atheist- and fear over something I did not, could not understand. I believed that if God existed at all, He existed to despise us. I saw in you a steadfast and loving God for whom I could not look away from. Your life has made all the difference to the lives of countless searching souls. We met once, long, long ago, but today I keep wishing I could have known you better. I love you my precious friend.

wadeandbec said...

So thankful God gave you life to write this post. Although we don't know each other (I know Jon's family), I have watched your story with horror as a fellow mother of young children. It is such a blessing to hear you say that Christ truly will carry us through even the toughest possible situations. Thank you, thank you, thank you! said...

Amy, I am a friend of Johanna, and have been praying for you and your baby and family for two years. Thank you for sharing this. I read this out loud to my children over lunch and cried through it. Thank you for sharing God's grace with us and for your crystal clear perspective on the eternal.
All my love to you and your family,
Sarah Beals

Amanda said...

Amy, I have never had the opportunity to meet you. I am from south Carolina and saw your blog as a post on someone's Facebook page. Reading your blog brought tears to my eyes. Please know that you are touching people whom you have never even meet! I will continue to pray for you an your family!

Amy Blackburn said...

Dear Amy, Jon, and family,

I remember you from my first year at ABC. (I was another one of the six "Amy B's" that year!) I have followed you on the blog and as I read your post my heart was breaking. Your testimony has been amazing and I love how you have shared your struggles and your trust in the Lord. I am praying for you over here in South Africa. May the God of all comfort wrap His loving arms around you all as your travel through this valley.


Amy Blackburn

annepetitt said...

Thank you Amy for posting I know that you will be sadly missed on this side of eternity. I will pray for comfort for you family.You have been truly inspirational to so many. I just got done reading the most amazing book called Heaven is for Real by a little boy named Cotlon His daddy helped write his account of what he experienced in Heaven. IT has encouraged me so that I know with out a shadow of a doubt MY Redeemer lives. This little boy knew stuff that a normal 3 or 4 year would not of known. It would be awesome if your husband or/and children could read that book to you or you could really read it as a family young and old I know you all would be encouraged and you would get your answer of being prepared for what is beyond here. I am praying for you family I cant wait to see you on the other side. This book was truly amazing I Highly recommend it. I am praying for comfort right now for you now pain in Jesus name just PEACE SHALOM.

Uncle Bob said...

Dearest Amy,
I am overwhelmed. Aunt Bonnie and I were just now at our 88 year old Roman Catholic neighbor and who always asks about you and prays for you every day. We came home and read your post. She speaks English. I transferred it to Word and ran it off and took it back to her. I had told her what a great writer you were, and here was an example written this very day. May she (and many many others) read this post and be enlightened, and blessed as I was. I love you very much. Uncle Bob

Anonymous said...

Dear Amy,

I don't know you but Richard Mansell is the pastor of our church. We prayed for you last night.Your story was such a blessing and inspiration to me. We will be praying for you and for your family.

Gale Moose

Jenny Ervin said...

Amy, you do not know me, but your sister in law was my midwife. Through her I have followed your journey and feel knit to you in my heart. I just wanted to tell you that our family loves you, even though we have not met face to face. May we meet in eternity with the Savior. Your testimony is a rich blessing. As a 39 year old mom of 7, it hits home with me. Thank you for your transparency. May the comforting arms of Jesus carry you across the river with sweet joy. May you hear those words that you so long to hear...all because of His perfect righteousness..All glory goes to Him!

Blessed Assurance said...

I have never met you, Amy, but I feel like I have known you forever through your blog. My love and prayers are with you.

tebersole said...

Thank you for posting your journey. Although I have never met you, your sister in law was my midwife and delivered our little one in November. I have been praying for your and your family. I can only imagine how difficult it must be facing cancer as a mom with young children. Your testimony through your blog has been an inspiration to me.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for sharing and reminding me today of my Lord and Saviour. So many times I have wondered how I could make everything work here at home if I were not here but in eternity. Thank you for reminding me that we are all in His Loving Caring Hands. And all will be well.

Sarah said...

Amy, my heart has been so touched by your testimony. Your honesty about the struggles as well as the blessings in this last valley has been so eloquent in its simplicity. We are praying for you and your family. God's grace is sufficient, and His Word gives comfort and peace. Thank you for your influence in my own life. I am honored to call you my friend.

Anonymous said...

Dear Amy,
We've never met. I only just found your blog by 'accident' but I wanted to say how much your testimony touched me. Cancer has run rampant in my extended family and the older I get the more I fear that it will set up shop in my body as well. I've been blessed with an immediate family who knows Christ and I've been part of His family most of my life. I never feared death growing up, but as I entered my 30s and started seeing the effects of time and aging, my perspective on death began to change. It seems so much closer now and for the first time in my life, I'm terrified of it. I'm reasonably healthy, but I grow more and more aware of how temporary our life on earth is and fear I will be taken before I've finished all the things I think I'm here to do. You, a stranger but a sister in Christ, have offered me a huge comfort today and I thank you for it.

And by the way, the idea of singing for eternity never appealed to me either. I've always hoped whatever humble heavenly dwelling I'm afforded would be stocked with books and copious amounts of paper and ink so that I may write in death in a more glorious way than I've ever been able to write in life. I'm also hoping for the chance to hike all of the heavenly wilderness without having to worry about bathroom breaks.

Thank you so much Amy for your post. I'm praying for you and your family.


Anonymous said...

Amy, I have been praying for you for a long time, and recently have added your family to my prayers. I always remember you as a big sis who loved God wholeheartedly. Thank you for being so open with how God has walked with you through this valley. I am just sad for those of us you are leaving behind. We will miss your words of encouragement and persevering faith. Praying... Ruth (Wavle) Wells

Anonymous said...

Amy,your words and life are a clear reminder to surrender every ounce of our being to Jesus.For He is the answer! These words will live on forever in the hearts and minds of so many. And they serve the purpose of drawing us closer to the heart and mind of God. And to His living word. Nothing I can say would be sufficient to describe how much reading this blog has challenged and blessed me. Your testimony is priceless! and You are a faithful servant of the most high. We love You. Marisol

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your heart. I have been convicted, encouraged, and overwhelmed again by God's grace towards us. His love is amazing. I am praying for your family and for you! My heart is heavy for them but rejoicing for you knowing you will be face to face with your Saviour soon.

Johnette Christ

Anonymous said...

I am another one of the other Amy's clients. She delivered my daughter right before your son was born and I have followed your story since. Whenever God brings you to mind I pray which has been more often lately. I can not imagine how you must feel about the whole part of leaving behind your precious family but I have been so blessed at your precious testimony. Please know that you have a prayer partner in Iowa who will someday meet you in your completely whole new body! Blessings for your journey.... Dorothy Miller

The Mom said...

It is almost as though you are already in heaven

Praying for you and your family

Lisa Evans said...

Amy, thank you for your gift of transparancy and truth. It is not easy to be on either side of cancer, patient or caregiver, both have wants and needs and both need to be heard and listened too. Your words do and will mean so much. You are giving a rare and precious gift to your little ones and loved ones. Please know I and my family will always, always be praying for you and your family. Much love and admiration, Lisa Evans, Mesa AZ

Ruthie2boys said...

Oh, Sweet Amy!

Words cannot express how thankful I am for you and your family. So many things I have learned, from Jon's preaching, from teaching your children when they were 2 and 3, visiting with you about parenting, homeschooling, and so much more. Our talk on Sunday was extra precious to me, something I will remember forever. I have put the book you recommended on request at the library, and I look forward to reading it when the others ahead of me are finished. Amy, you shine for Jesus. Others can see Him in you, and He shines all the more beautifully through the fears, tears and struggles. Thank you for taking the time to share your insights, wisdom, trials and victories. I rejoice with you that more of your inner battles have subsided. He is good. You are in good, safe hands, His mighty outstretched arm. I look forward to spending eternity in heaven with you, Amy! I love you. Ruth Bustamante

Anonymous said...

Amy, my heart is so very deeply moved, once again, by your words of wisdom. Psalm 37:30 comes to mind. "The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom..." Oh, Amy, how much I love and appreciate your faithfulness to our Creator! Even in "The Valley of the Shadow of Death", you have been faithful to lift high the name of JESUS CHRIST. Thank you for being such a beautiful light for HIM and such a faithful encourager to countless others. I love you, Amy Marie Caldwell Bixby! Hugging you bunches in my heart. Wish I could do it in person. XOXOXO I’m so proud to call you my niece! <3

Suzy said...

Thank you SO much for sharing

Marla said...

Amy, thank you for your words of comfort that you are leaving behind for your family and loved ones and friends. It makes us realize that, yes, we too will face eternity and come before God one day, either redeemed by faith in Jesus Christ or judged for rejecting Him. The legacy you leave for your children is one that will prepare them too for that day God calls each of them Home. The last post was one that had many of us on our knees for you and your precious family. We thank God that He has given you more time with them. I know your Uncle Bob and Aunt Bonnie and your sister-in-law who delivered our last grandson. Thank you for helping us all to live the days we have for Him and without regrets. Marla

Colleen said...

My first thoughts and prayers on waking this morning were for you and your family. Thank you for a consistent, godly testimony. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Thank you for bringing to light that what many of us fear--personal regret for not living a perfect life--is perfectly resolved in Christ's love and sacrifice on the cross. Peace only comes from putting our faith in Him and His work. A quote from Amy Carmichael keeps coming to mind:

"But God is the God of the waves and the billows, and they are still His when they come over us; and again and again we have proved that the overwhelming thing does not overwhelm. Once more by His interposition deliverance came. We were cast down, but not destroyed."
— Amy Carmichael

I'm confident that deliverance will come--for you and each loved one. That the overwhelming thing will not overwhelm. That you are cast down, but not destroyed. Praying it is so. Colleen

Anonymous said...


Thank you for putting your struggle into words; it is apparent that God is giving you the words to say, even at this difficult time. Marsha has been reading portions of this blog to me and today we were both grieved but also filled with hope by the clarity and depth of your understanding. I remember when my father died it seemed that a curtain had been pulled aside and one could see with great clarity - for an instant - the reality of our Savior, His great love and the hope that awaits us.

Our church in Massachusetts joins other churches in praying for you, Jon and the kids. We want to say that we greatly anticipate one day standing with you in the presence of our Redeemer and King, where we’re told there will be “no more mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore.”

Love in Christ,
Marsha and Peter Landry

Alicia said...

Dear Amy, this post will doubtless continue to take by the hand and bless others for many years to come. I just wanted to say that you are in our prayers; Brian's parents and Grandma Fowler are praying for you and your family as well.

Pastor Brandon Ward said...

We have never met, but I found your blog and have been following your journal from the alumni updates received from Ambassador Baptist College. My wife and I as well as the church I pastor have been praying for you and will continue to pray for you and your family as you continue on your journey. Thank you for your transparency and glorification of Jesus Christ in this latest post. I trust that the God of all peace and comfort will continue to become even closer and more real to you and yours as the days grow shorter. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Jodie said...

Hi Amy, we don't know each other but are sisters in Christ. You have a precious testimony. God will receive the glory whether He takes you now or heals you. It sounds like you may be on a raw diet. I would like to suggest a website if you are able to research. It is I was on the Hallelujah Diet myself for 10 years but my health kept getting worse. That was because I had candida overgrowth. There is research on this website by doctors who say that cancer is a fungus. Fungus is basically candida overgrowth. The candida bacteria must be starved to death Bee says. She has spent the last 25 years of her life thoroughly researching this. Carbs, sugars, fruit, and grains all feed candida. These must be removed from the diet to get well. I'm sure you've had many well wishers who've given their advice, and I'm another one. I pray you can get started on this and overcome the cancer. But if it's too late, I know you're ready to meet Christ. That's the most important thing. God bless you and ease your pain!

JT said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Abigail Lyn said...

Amy, I don't know you, but I will. I'm encouraged by your passion for Christ and your zeal in proclaiming His goodness. May the Holy Spirit soften the hearts of those who read your words or who have crossed your path or who have yet to hear your story. May He brings more souls to the Kingdom out of your heart devoted to Him. I can not imagine the journey you have been on. I'm thankful that we shall meet in heaven. May God comfort you and your family as you prepare to race ahead of the rest of us to finally meet Him face to face.

JT said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rachel Fretz said...

Thank you, Amy, for comforting us as you leave us behind and go to meet our precious Savior. Thank you for reminding us of what is truly important.

Dovey said...

Thank you, Amy, for being so thoughtful as to think of others and write this. I'm around the same age as you, mother of 5. I have thought of you and prayed for you often over the last week since I found your blog. I've struggled with the same fears that you've given voice to, and I appreciate your honesty. Thank you for being transparent for us and allowing us to see that Christ is truly our "all in all." It was a blessing to read your post. Our family will continue to pray for your family.

Katie said...

Amy, your beautiful testimony over these past years has challenged me to examine myself, and to expand my faith as I see the path that God has led you carefully down. I'm a friend of Jon's family in SC, and as each new update is passed along our prayers are even more earnest for the Lord to bless you richly at this time, and for His hand to guide, protect, and love your family as they send you off to the land that is fairer than day. Eternal life is only more real to me because of you. Thank you for reminding me that it is not a dream, or an empty hope, but a sure, true reality. Over the next months or years, as we wait to join you, my family is grateful for the testimony that you're leaving, jealous of the joys that you will find, and hopeful that we'll revel in them richly with you soon.

Katie Rodgers

Beef said...

We pray for you all daily and grieve with your family for the loss it appears they will soon face. But we are excited for you to enter heaven's joys with no more fear of death--ever! Praise God for His victory over our sin and over death! We will join you soon. :)
Mike and Beth Goforth

Anonymous said...

Dear Amy,
I have never met you, nor read your blog before, but I go to a church in Greenville, SC that knows you and prays for you faithfully.
I saw a connection to your blog on a friend from Illinois' facebook page, and had to read it. I was so blessed by your testimony, your words of encouragement. Thank you for giving of yourself to share your honest thoughts and struggles.
Your sister in Christ, Sarah Ivey I shall meet you in glory.

Kerry Kendall said...

Thank you so much for this post, Amy. I know people going through some of the same struggles but without the hope that lies within you. I pray that I can share this blog and your testimony with them so that perhaps one day they too may rejoice in Heaven with the redeemed. If we don't see each other again here on earth I can't wait to see you on the other side of eternity! None of us knows when our final day here will be, but your words encourage us to prepare as if it's today.

jennifer t said...

Amy, thank you thank you! I have been guilty of much anger toward God as I have heard of your struggles and read your blog. I will read your latest entry over & over again just to allow the truth to sink in. God is using you in my life - you don't even know me. I have prayed and will continue to pray for you as well as your family. Thank you again for your encouragement to others in this difficult time.
Love & Prayers,

Elevenarrows said...

Amy and Family,

With heavy hearts, we have followed your story over the past couple of years. We have prayed for you and for your dear loved ones who have traveled this road with you.

Amy, we don't worry about you because we know seeing the LORD will make up for everything. We know that the days ahead will be difficult as you have to let go, but joy WILL come in the morning.

We are praying for all of you, but particularly for those loved ones that will be left behind. As parents of eleven, we can only imagine what you are feeling by putting ourselves in your shoes. May God grant abundant peace in your darkest moments and may each of you find His grace sufficient.

We remember you as a young girl, Amy. We are so blessed to see the woman you have become. You have run this race well.

May God get all the glory.

Jeff and Selena Osteen

Anonymous said...

I am numb, Amy. You are so right. I have beat myself up over my mistakes, sometimes forgetting I am a child of the King and He loves me and has not preserved me for judgement but for Eternal Life with Him. Prayers for you and your family. God Is ALWAYS good. ALWAYS!

See you at the feet of Jesus in His Glory when we see Him as He is.

Cathy said...

God bless you and yours. God's strength through you is amazing.

Anonymous said...

Wow! What a wonderful testamoney to leave behind! Your words will live on and God will use them in the lives of all who read them. I will pass this on and pray that hearts and lives will be changed. I know you've been through the valley for some time and you're just about through with this dark journey. I will pray for you and your family as God comforts them and directs their paths as they go on without you. God will put His arms around your children and your husband like never before. Thank you for sharing your heart. I only wish I could have known you. Love,
Cindy Moore

Na said...

And I was supposed to read this at ladies' Bible study? I made it through until John 3:16 ;-)
As always, I'm encouraged, challenged, comforted, and edified by reading your post. SO thankful for a Savior who makes such a comfort and peace possible!! Love you lots!! Na

Anonymous said...

I don't know you personally, but found your blog through a mutual friend. This post was such a blessing! It spoke to my heart about some fears that I have been struggling with, and reminded me Who is really in control. Thank you for being so transparent about your struggles, and for sharing what God is doing in your life. I am praying for you and your family!

Charis C.

Anonymous said...

Let me just add that I am looking forward to meeting you in Heaven someday! So thankful for the assurance of eternal life that Christ gives.

Charis C.

Anil Mathai said...

Hi Amy,

Marisol put your link up on Facebook and I read your blog. I know your at peace and praise God but honestly for me, my heart breaks. We just met John and you a few months ago at TCBC; you both, your family are obvious testimonies of Christ. I heard of your's and John's various ministries especially to the Indian community and we thank God for servants like you who we will emulate! Yet it is weird but it is hard for me. To know that a precious sister of Christ, a wife, and a mother of 7 is going to die at a young age is painful. I prayed a few days ago in the car "Lord, I dont know her but save her!! This is not right! You healed thousands, you raised Lazarus you can raise Amy. Please Lord!" Yet the Lord was teaching me something about letting go and letting God fully lead; and your blog confirmed that and the beautiful peace of God that all Christians should experience. Thank you, wanted to say that in person but i get chocked up. Will say it soon in person if we see you. Thank you for showing me what Jesus Christ looks like on earth!!! Anil

Wendy said...

So many times I have tried to put myself in your shoes....wondering how I would feel if I knew I was about to enter Heaven's glory and leave behind my husband and children. Obviously my mind cannot wrap itself around your reality, but I am confident that our wonderful Lord has given you peace beyond our comprehension and grace so immeasurable! I wish there was something I could "do" apart from praying for you and your family, but prayer is the best thing I know how to do for you all. Our family (and church family) will continue to pray for you in the days ahead and for your family as they learn to deal with grief in a Godly way. Praise the Lord for the testimony, the legacy you are leaving behind for them to follow in. Your life will continue to point your children to Him.

Yvonne said...

O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul on Thee;
I give Thee back the life I owe,
That in Thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

We met when you visited Mt. Calvary Baptist Church in SC. My daughter had just learned that she had cancer. You were an encouragement to her. God's love never lets go.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your beautiful post, it brought the words of this song to my mind.

Peace! peace! wonderful peace,
Coming down from the Father above,
Sweep over my spirit forever, I pray,
In fathomless billows of love.

Praying for you and yours,
Jane Coley

Shanna Locker said...

I remember well the words of a Child of God who went home to be with Christ in March 2007, his name was Roger Bennett. When speaking of his journey with cancer and his walk with God he said, "You tell me that in order to get rid of this cancer I would have to give up my walk with God that I've gained since the cancer, I'll keep the cancer." Those words will forever stay with me, as will the words of your post. God is so good and so gracious to give us exactly what we need when we need it. I praise Him for your testimony dear sister. I will meet you in Heaven one sweet day!!
~Shanna Locker~ Idaho

Anonymous said...

I have a young cousin also dying of cancer and I have marveled at the peace God gives her. I am a born again Christian but sometimes death terrifies me because I dont know what its like. But I just tell God. He understands that we are dust and how much our minds just cant understand. I will be praying for your family.

James said...

God heals us all, friend. Some He chooses to heal here and some He chooses to heal with His own hands in His very presence. It is real. You need not fear the transition, sweetheart. Just as Christ is Lord here, He is also Lord there. He welcomed you with love here. He will welcome you with love there.

Prayers from Texas.


Jessica M said...

Amy, I just found your blog today. I read your post from yesterday and then backed up to read all about your journey. Your life and the grace and strength that you've shown on this journey have affected me deeply. Your peace and love for God shine so brightly! I'm praying for you and your family as you go through this part of the valley. God bless you, sweet lady!

Terri Templin said...

Amy, how blessed we are to read of how God is continuing to work in your life. Thank you for your honesty as you have shared the journey that God has seen fit to set before you. Another journey awaits, in His time. You will see and hear things that we can't even begin to imagine. And you will see the Christ whom you love so much. We continue to pray for you and your family as we trust and rest in the goodness of our wonderful God. Ps 57:1,2
Peter and Terri Templin

Ken and Vicki in Japan said...

Dear Amy,
Although even to write 'one more time' must have truly taken a great effort, you were willing to again set aside your pain and share what could help so many others. Praise God for your continued testimony and as one other put it--transparency--I think it is good to share the difficult as well as the good because through it, God gets the glory and others see that He truly is a help in time of need. Ken always says, I am not afraid of death for I know what is on the other side; I am afraid of how I get have traveled this journey of going through the valley of death graciously in spite of your 'regrets' and mistakes. Your words have spoken to many all over the world. We have continue to bring you before the throne of grace in our services here in Japan and will continue to do so. After you have gone to glory, we will try to remember to pray for Jon and your dear children as well. May God continue to be the wall you lean on and we know His arms continue to be wrapped around you carrying you now when you can't carry yourself.
2Cr 1:2 Grace [be] to you and peace from God our Father, and [from] the Lord Jesus Christ.
2Cr 1:3 Blessed [be] God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
2Cr 1:4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

May God take you safely over and may He give your family the grace and comfort to carry on as you would have wanted them to.

love and prayers,
Vicki Mansell

Heather Shehan Currie said...

Amy, although we have not seen each other since high school. I would like you to know your blog and your life have touched mine and my families life. You are an amazing person with such courage and faith and I am blessed to know you. Praying for you and your family.

Wayne said...

I just came across your blog today - my wife sent me a link to it. I am so sorry to hear of your sickness and I cannot possibly imagine what you and your family are going through right now. I am so glad to hear of your faith in Jesus Christ. He is in control and we must trust him even when we don't understand. I know that is easier said than done. I will certainly pray for God's grace on you and your family.

You mentioned you would be seeking alternative remedies so I want to mention a juice that a lot of people have used for various types of cancer. It is sold by a company called Xango and the fruit that it is made from is the mangosteen; not to be confused with the mango. I have read a lot of testimonials that speak of it working really well and in some cases eliminating the cancer altogether. My mother in law drank the juice while taking chemotherapy for breast cancer and she did not get sick through the entire process. I don't personally know anyone who was cured of cancer but it could be worth trying.

I wish you the best.

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU Amy, for being His voice. For showing us the way, for living with an honest, open heart and soul to allow our Lord's word to filter into it...and then back out to us. MAY GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU and MAY GOD BLESS YOUR FAMILY.
WE LOVE YOU, near and far, and will meet (for the first time!) very soon!
Praying for you, your family, and the hospice team assisting you in this journey.
Jennifer Regan, RN
Hospice Nurse in New Orleans

Deborah said...

Amy, you are leaving a legacy of promise and hope for all who know you. I have just found your blog, because a friend shared it on Facebook, so I have just read this one, which says it all. I can identify with what you say about having regrets; and since I am much older than you, I probably have more. However, this is why we need our precious Saviour--there is absolutely no way we can be good enough. I love all the scriptures you shared: Romans 8 has so often been a comfort for me.

Heavenly Father, thank You for being with Amy and her family. We praise You for your abundant goodness in all situations in our lives and for your peace. Thank you for walking with us in our valleys, even the "valley of the shadow of death." Thank you for Amy. Bless her and her family. Comfort them. May they feel You, dear God. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Cathy said...

Amy, we have never met but I know Matthew and Susan Bixby. I have only followed your blog for a short time and have shared your testimony with my husband and children and extended family. We pray for you and especially your husband and children. I am finishing chemo for a lymphoma which for now looks like it will stay clear. I have struggled with the idea that the Lord could take me home sooner than I had hoped. Thank you for your words of encouragement while facing what in my mind seems like the hardest thing in the world! Knowing that God takes care if those we leave behind... He is after all their Father and loves them MORE than we ever could! Peace and grace and mercy be with you till your new beginning!! xxxooo Cathy Gonzalez and family

Ed Franklin said...

We're so grateful to God for your testimony, that He gave you the strength and wisdom for this most recent post--it is having and will continue to have eternal consequences because it presents the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the power of our gracious, merciful and long-suffering God ......We're continuing to pray for you and your family. (a friend of 'the other Amy')

Anonymous said...

Sweet Amy. It has been many years since we joyfully planned your wedding. I got to know you then and have rejoiced in the way God has blessed your life with Jon in the years that followed. As I mentioned to you at Hampton Park during your last visit, we have been prayer warriors for you in my nutrition class and in my personal devotions. God is using you in ways we never expected. Know that our prayers for you and your family continue. God is good even when we do not understand, but we know that He does all things well. Love and prayers, Mrs. Anna Turner

Anonymous said...

Amy... We all are constantly searching for this truth for lack of a better term, it's just the term you hear most from people. We fail to see the trees because of the forest. We are all looking for Jesus and don't even know it, at least most, and the ones of us that do know it, keep slipping back into doubts, routines, preoccupation, busy lives, the list could go on. However, if we have accepted the gift of salvation He still loves us and has forgiven and forgotten these things and there as distant as the east is from the west. Have you ever been riding down a country and road when all of a sudden a blue bird, with most beautiful blue colors, swoops right in from of your car and startles you, but you still see it so clearly, almost to the point of being able to describe every feather? Then you think how many things has God blessed me with but i've been to busy to notice. We all have. But the blue is a reminder to us of how beautiful those little creatures are and they're always have been out there, we just need to stop and watch what God is doing the this world around us. We all will be where you are one day and we should not keep our focus in the past on what we have or have not done, we were design to move forward. Just look at you feet, God bent our legs forward so as to move forward, our eyes are in the forward position, our ear are shaped for sounds mostly coming towards so we can hear what is coming as we move forward and I think it is a blessing what you have written and I think God has prepared you. I do not know you, but I thank you for your words. I pray for Gods will to be done and He will be glorified.

SteveandMartha said...

Your words and your life are a rich testimony to God's strengthening grace. He can entrust only certain of His own with such trials. You are clearly worthy of His trust. And we are privileged to learn about Him through your life. Thank you for giving Him glory. Be assured of our love and prayers. We will meet you in GLORY!

Anonymous said...


I have been following your blog since you first started writing it, thanks to your sister-in-law, Amy. I recently shared with some ladies that you were so sweet and kind as a child, when we knew you at HPBC. It is no surprise to me that you write so eloquently of God's grace during such a difficult time.

My heart is heavy for your family. At the same time, I am so thankful for your testimony as you live out God's goodness in front of the world on this blog. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.

Dan and Meribeth Tozier

Anonymous said...

Amy , we could never find the right words to express our thoughts. It is a pleasure to know you and your family. We admire many qualities about you. You will always be in our hearts. We believe that a part of us lives on in our children, and your kids are so blessed to have you as their mother. We pray for you and your family.
Jain family

Anonymous said...

Thank you, thank you for this precious post! You are leaving behind a legacy of faith for your children, and are such a testimony of the Lord to hundreds of people. We are praying much for you and your family!!!

candlemasus said...

I am a stage IV breast cancer patient & although my tumor markers have me pretty much in remission, I know that I will be in some sort of treatment for whatever time God allows me to remain in this world's realm. Your blog was a great blessing to me. It's such a comfort to know that we do not need to fear death. Death has already been conquered for us. I'm certainly not envious of your pain, but I do long for the day that I will see my Creator face to face. My family has known your family for ages, and though I do not plan to see ya'll again on this side of the proverbial River, I look forward to reuniting on the other side...Shakespeare wrote a sonnet that I have written in my Bible and it reminds me of Corinthians 55-58 "O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord." The end of Sonnet 146 says "Buy terms divine in selling hours of dross;Within be fed, without be rich no more: So shalt thou feed on Death, that feeds on men,And Death once dead, there's no more dying then."
God bless you, my sister; may His grace & peace continue to uphold you as you take the next step in eternity. xoxox

Anonymous said...

Oh, Amy, your grace through the last 2 years have been something to behold! You and Jon are an inspiration to so many. There will souls saved because of your testimony and more than one drawn closer to our Savior. He knows all things and has them all in His plan. I have printed your article from your blog and will share it at church with Eleanore & Grace. We have all been praying for you. Oh what a wonderful thing to be able to say, I will see you in Heaven! Praise the Lord.

Anonymous said...

I just came across your blog and my heart goes out to you and your family! Currently, I am helping nanny as the mother of two small children is walking the road of dealing with breast cancer. I understand some of how difficult and trying such a medical condition can be.
May the Lord strengthen you, give you wisdom, bless you with grace, and comfort you every minute of every day.

paladin said...

Amy... I promise to pray for you, now, and after you step to the other side of the veil. Thank you, and may God enfold you in His tangible mercy!

Anonymous said...

Amy, I don't know you but I NEEDED this post. I know Jesus as my Savior so I look forward to meeting you one day - in that beautiful land we call Heaven.

Marcella Franseen

Tami said...

Amy, thank you so much for sharing your heart. I KNOW that God will give you and your family the grace you need to sustain you during this final season of your life. I may never get to meet you this side of Heaven, but I'll see you there.

Rachel in VA said...

You are precious, dear Amy. It was so good to talk to your Mama today and to hear your voice in the background. I love you and await the day when we meet once again, and for eternity, in the presence of our Loving Saviour. Thank you for the shining light you ALWAYS have been, and continue to be even after you are gone from our presence. (Rev. 14:13, Blessed are they "which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labours; and their works do follow them.") Your works ARE following you.

With Much Love,
Aunt Rachel & Uncle Jim

Anonymous said...


I am a sister in Christ who looks forward to meeting you on the New Earth! You have been especially on my heart in recent weeks as I thought the Lord might be about to entrust me with a trial similar to yours. Though at this point that appears not to be the case, the weeks of uncertainty for me were filled with fears about dying, and deep sadness at the thought of leaving behind young children, including one currently in my womb. Your sweet transparency ministered such a balm to my soul, bearing witness to the truth that God's grace sustains even through the valley of the shadow of death. We are praying for you and your dear family!

Dan Bixby said...

Jon and Amy;
You are well loved. That will not eliminate the pain and sorrow, but know that so many want to support you during this time.
Thank you, Amy, for providing a sweet glimpse of eternity to those of us who can only look on with eager expectation.
Lots of love,
Cousin Daniel and family.

Sandy Holmes said...

Dear Amy,
We have never met in person but I have kept up with your journey through my daughter Sandi Humphrey. She sends me your blogs then she has to tex me (as I rarely get on the computer) as it takes up to much of my time once I get on. So as you can tell I am not fond of the computer, but I am thankful that I am able to keep up with your journey, through the computer. My husband & I have been praying for you & your family before your last baby was born. We have shared your journey with our SS class & our church. In fact our church prayed for all of you last night (Wed.) at church. Your testimony for our Lord is far reaching, all the way to here in Lk Placid FL.
I have no words of wisdom,no magical phrases but I know that faith in Jesus as our Lord & Savior grants eternal life & peace. The peace of God that surpasses all our understanding.
I can not begin to imagine what you're all going through. But I see God at work in your heart as I read your update. It amazes me that I feel a love for others that I've never met. That too is how God works. In my heart I know that God will provide for all of you but in my human thinking I can't understand it at all. But I know in my heart God has a plan & a purpose. I didn't intend to write this much but it was on my heart to send to you. My husband & I will continue prayers on behalf of you & your family.
May you continue your journey in total peace,wrapped in the arms of Jesus. A sister in Christ

Ellen said...

Though we have not formally met, I do think we have chatted in the past when you have been in town to see Jon's family. And, I have followed your journey over the past few years by reading your blog and getting updates from your sisters-in-law.

As a mom of now 5 kids (8 yrs to 2 mos), my heart aches for you and your family. But, I am encouraged and rebuked by the calmness you exhibit in resting in God's perfect will for your life. What a beautiful legacy you are leaving for your family!

Thank you for your wonderful example of wholly trusting in our Saviour even when life doesn't turn out as we might wish. My family has been praying for you and your family pretty much daily for the past few weeks. May you continue to rest in God's love as you journey into His presence.

God bless you!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your honesty Amy! Your testimony has been so encouraging and convicting to me. The Lord has burdened my heart greatly for your sweet family, so much that you are constantly on my mind and I am lifting you up several times a day. I've never met you, but it will be such a privilege to do so in glory! Thank you for trusting so completely in the Lord, you are leaving a beautiful legacy for your children and all those who hear of your story. With much love and admiration,

Jim Anderson said...

We heard about your blog and your latest post from the Bradberry's from Mt Calvary in Greenville. I am thinking of sending this along to my unsaved daughter. We lost her mom in 1999 to liver cancer and she took it very hard. This testimony is something much more than I can say to one who still grieves over her loss. Fortunately her mom did live to see her out of the house and married before she passed on.

Andy D. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Andy D. said...

Amy, I came across your blog for the first time today, and so just learned how close you are to meeting our beautiful Savior.
My heart breaks. Life is a strange thing... we grew up together in the same church, you being one of the few other home schooling families in a church of over 1,000 members, and somehow God sent us down such different paths that I only now hear this news when you are nearing the dawn of your new life.
I'm at a loss for words, and am deeply moved emotionally by both the news and what you've written. A part of me wishes we could catch up after, what? 15 years? since we last saw each other, but this life may not afford such an opportunity.
Ah, but maybe some words do come now, because what you've written is beautiful! I say beautiful, because I see our Father's fingerprints all over it. He has lovingly led you through this, and by it formed your words.
Your words give a glimpse of your life. It is so moving to see your relationship with Him. Your life is an imprint of Him - it shows an aspect of Him that no other created thing can show - a unique glimmer of who He is.
And how all the family of Christ resonates with your words on eternity! We are going to inherit all creation with Him, and will find our home, eternal purpose, place, true adventure, and true fulfillment there. And! We will get to see Him face to face! Oh man, even the thought of that overwhelms me with excitement. I think I won't even be able to stand in that moment.
Even the simple fact that God is infinite and we are finite guarantees that our eternity will be filled with the adventure of constantly discovering new aspects of Him and His creation, without end.
I would love to say more, but I know no other way to get in touch... and besides, your time has more important demands at the present. We will meet sooner or later. If here, then your circumstances will have changed and we will have time to catch up. And if there, then, well, time won't even be an issue. :)
- Andy DePue

Karen Ladygo Stewart said...

Amy, I am so glad to have known you back when you were a young girl in my fifth grade class. You always wanted to please the Lord then, and I am so proud of you now! I know God will say to you, "Well done." Your life has been a blessing to me.

Beth Anne (Arrowood) McFadden said...

Amy, Jon & Family,

We have been praying much for you all. Tears just won't stop. I just read your post. What a testimony you are and will continue to be...even after you have met our dear Savior face to face.

Anonymous said...

"Stay close by My side.
Keep your eyes on Me.
Though this life is hard,
I will give you perfect peace.

In this time of trial--
pain that no one sees--
trust Me when I say
'I will give you perfect peace.'

And you'll never walk alone,
and you'll never be in need.
Though I may not calm the storms around you,
you can hide in Me.

Burdens that you bear
offer no relief.
Let Me bear your load,
and I will give you perfect peace.

Stay close by My side,
and you'll never walk alone.
Keep your eyes on Me,
and you'll never be in need.

Though this life is hard,
know that I will always give you perfect peace.
I will give you perfect peace."

--great words from a dear friend

Anonymous said...

Bravo! "Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us," - Hebrews 12:1

Amy, I don't know you, but I know of you through friends and family. God grant you strength in this hour as you join that great cloud of witnesses cheering the rest of us on to the finish. May we each pick up our cross and follow your example.

Until we meet face to face in Glory, Thank You for your testimony.

Deanna's Boston Terrier World said...

We remember you from ABC. You may not remember us. Through the Alumni news email I heard about your struggles and have followed your blog and prayed for you and your family. One thing comes to mind when I read this tonight. Please God let me have this sort of grace if I know when I'm dying. And please help me to remember to lessen my regrets now while I can.

Thank you for sharing your heart. I am praying especially for the kids. With the wonderful pictures you've posted I feel like I know them so well.

You must be a very special family. God trusted you so much to give this to YOU. He knew you wouldn't let Him down. What a priviledge.

May God bless you with His peace during these last days, weeks......
James & Deanna Morris

Freedom said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Angela Ayers said...

Praise the Lord! Amy, what a blessing and encouragement to see how God has made Himself magnificent and plain during your trial. I know that grace of God is extended to you, and I have been praying for you and your family. I praise the Lord for you. God has used you to give us insight of His wonderful love and grace that is for each of us, just as you described. You are in love with Jesus, and that is what He wants from all of us! It is all about HIM! Thanks for letting the world know that we too can have the peace that passes all understanding. Trust and obey, for there's no other way! To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey!! I will see you one day, at the feet of Jesus! love to you all. Angela Ayers.

grandma411 said...

Amy - You, Jon, and your family have been uppermost in our hearts and prayers these days! How we love and appreciate each of you, and what a blessing your testimony has been to so many! I look forward to seeing you again, and I don't think it will be very long.
Much love in Christ,
Auunt Judy (and Uncle Karl)

Brandy Massie Brigham said...

Oh Amy...I remember growing up with on Easy Street. Playing outside together, riding bikes together, doing what young girls do as friends. Even though I haven't seen you in many years, I will never forget your smile and the fun we had. I shed tears as I read your blog from yesterday, but they are tears of sadness and joy because I will get to see you again one day in heaven! Oh what a glorious thing we have to look forward too...being able to see our loved ones and friends again one day in heaven. Thank you for your encouraging words and your testimony throughout this whole process you have done nothing but proclaim the Word of the Lord! You have touched my heart and made me want to be a better person for Jesus Christ. May you find comfort and joy in these last days on earth because you will be truly happy once you get to heaven and see our Lord & Saviour! You'll be "singing" with the angels! God bless you.

HappyValleyKnoxHomestead said...

God has given you great faith & strength to endure this illness. Reading your post made me recall an old Inuit poem I read long ago in Farley Mowat's PEOPLE OF THE DEER.
Only from a christian perspective I see it now in a different light:

"And I think over again,
My small adventures.
When with an offshore wind I
drifted out in my kayak,
and thought I was in danger.
My fears, those small ones that I thought so big.
For all the vital things I had to get and to reach.
And yet there is only one great thing, the only thing:
To live to see in huts and journeys the great day that dawns, and the light that fills the world."

For christians that light is none other than Jesus Christ. I do not know you Amy but your words tell all that you have truly crossed over from death to life. And that light within you fills the world with the message of Christ.
"How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, 'Your God reigns!'" Isa 52.7

Michelle Moyano said...

Amy, you do not know me, but I have been praying for you for some months now. My husband and I are missionaries in Spain and our church is praying for you and your family as well. Thank you so much for sharing about the Lord with us. Though it brings tears to my eyes, they are blessed tears; thank you again.

Michelle Moyano

Joe said...

No words can describe what I feel after reading this post. God bless you richly in this "shadow of death" experience. I am confident that he will strengthen you for what ever may lie ahead. Thank-you for the rich encouragement! We will be praying for you.

Randy Hernandez said...

Hello.. I know that you probably dont know me or my family, but I wanted to say thank you my sister. The testimony of God's grace being manifested through you has challanged me, and encouarge me, tremendously.... Thank you. You will be in our prayerers.

Tami said...

Amy, I commented yesterday, but felt compelled to come back. It seems we know a lot of mutual people, and I had no idea. I've shared your testimony with many, knowing others who are suffering as you are during this time, yet have such a beautiful testimony of God's grace. My mother, Judy, went home to be with the Lord on Valentine's Day four years ago...and her demeanor and testimony were so much like yours is. Because of that, and a life well lived, her legacy lives on and even in her death, she continues to touch lives. Long after God takes each of us home, we are remembered not by the fusses we had, or the stupid things we did, for we are all human. Rather, we are remembered for how we reached the hearts of those around us...Know that you have done that here. Even if you never write another word on this blog, you have done something few dare to do, and I thank you for it.

Tammy Jacobs said...


My family has never met you, but your parents and sister are at HPBC with us. This post is so amazing to share and so heartfelt. Tears were coming to my eyes as I read your blog. Our prayers are that your final days on this earth are pain free and free of worry for your family. We will be praying for your family during this time and the days following your home going when God decides it is time for you. You seem like such as amazing lady and I know that God is going to be welcoming you into his GLORY as a faithful servant.
Much love and prayers,
Tammy Jacobs

Tammy Jacobs said...


My family is in church at HPBC with your parents and sister. Your blog had tears streamming down my face. You seem so sweet and sincere. I know that God is going to comfort you during these days and HE alone will comfort your family and take care of all their needs. As a mom, it is hard to hand over the responsibilities of our little ones to others. My prayer for you is that you will be able to enjoy your final days with your family and not to worry during that time. Also, that your children will see God shining brightly through you and your positive spirit. My family will be praying for you all!
Love and prayers,
Tammy Jacobs

Karen Thiessen said...

You don't know me (like so many others that have posted comments) but we have many mutual friends (I used to attend TCB) Anyway, I am crying reading your beautiful testimony and can sense the urgency you feel to continue to tell the good news of the gospel to the very end. There is no doubt what you are going to hear, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant." Praying for you, dear Amy. Wish I could have met you in person, but I feel as I know you from your blog.
Karen Thiessen

Anonymous said...

Amy, You do not know me, and I have just come to read your blog today as it was posted on a fb friends page. But, I just wanted to thank you for sharing your heart on your last post. I think we all struggle with trusting God even in far less troublesome trials as you are going through now.I am truly touched by your faith that shines through in your words. You have truly let your light shine before men, and I am sure that my walk with God will better and somehow deeper because of the words that I have read today. I thank God that He let me come across your blog today. Thank you for your testimony. Just to think how many may have been touched by your sharing such a blog and touched for Christ's sake! Can't wait to meet you walking on the Streets of Gold someday! Will be praying for you and your family and friends in the days ahead.

Anonymous said...

Dear Beloved,

Grace, peace and strength to you from our Lord Jesus Christ. The author and finisher of our faith is able to sustain you and your family. May he be glorified through your trials and lift you up by his presence. The Lord bless you and keep you...
Your testimony has lifted me up today. May the Lord reward your obedience.

Stephanie Marie Nielsen said...

You don't know me, and I don't know you or your family. I ran across your blog on a friend's facebook page. Thank you SO much for your testimony for Christ! You are such a blessing to me and so many others. I have been on the child end of a situation kind of similar to yours, only I am an only child. My mom has been very sick recently, and my dad doesn't live with us,so I was worried for a few weeks that God would take her away and leave me alone with no one. But God's grace is so evident, and He loves and cares for us deeply! I am so encouraged by your words! You have a faith and trust in the Lord that I only WISH I had! Keep following and trusting our blessed Savior! My prayers are with you!

Anonymous said...

Thank you Amy. You are in my prayers. We have never met but I have been praying for your whole family. Thank you for your testimony it has been such a blessing to me.

Anonymous said...

I am praying for you and your family. Thank you for taking the time to blog, testifying of His enabling grace in your life. Praying that those who read will be encouraged, as I have been, and be led to seek the Lord - either for strength in their journey or for the salvation of their soul.

Homeschool on the Croft said...

There is nothing I can say that hasn't already been said - and more eloquently that I'd be able to put it. What a blessing to have Christ... and to be prepared to meet our God. No - not just prepared, but anticipating.Oh Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder, consider all the works Thy hand has made....

And when I think that God His Son not sparing
Sent Him to die-I scarce can take it in
That on the cross my burden gladly bearing
He bled and died to take away my sin

When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation
And take me home-what joy shall fill my heart!
Then shall I bow in humble adoration
And there proclaim, my God, how great Thou art!

Uncle Bob said...

You were in my mind while I was reading a sermon by Spurgeon. I had to stop and copy and paste this paragraph.

"Believe, then, O Christian, that if you abide in Christ, the same will be the case with you! You shall be undisturbed at the premonitions of decay. When the physician shakes his head, your heart shall not fail! When friends look sad, you will not share their sorrow! We wept when we were born though all around us smiled—so shall we smile when we die while all around us weep. The dying Christian is often the only calm and composed person in all the group which fills the chamber from which he ascends to Heaven. Talking of what he enjoys and expects, he glides gently into Glory! Why should we expect it to be otherwise? Stephen’s God is our God! Stephen’s faith we already possess in its germ and we may have it in the same degree! The Holy Spirit dwells in us even as He did in Stephen...let us not fear death, but descend Jordan’s shelving bank without the slightest dismay!"

Was a great comfort to me. I trust it will be to you.

J-ME said...

Amy, a friend shared your blog on FB and I have been reading the past couple of month's entries. When I saw the title, I was afraid it was the "other" Amy writing... Praise God for what you have shared. I've often thought that I want to make a difference in this world; I want to be remembered for something. Sounds selfish, doesn't it. But as I read your words, I thought that you have done the best one can do - something that you will be remembered for. You are making a difference. Reaching out and touching others through your own pain. Encouraging others and testifying about Christ. May He bless you & your family in these last hours and grant you all His peace.

Anonymous said...

I do not know you personally, but I heard of your illness through mutual friends/acquaintances. Thank you for sharing so candidly your fears and struggles and the victory that is coming your way through the knowledge of God. I especially appreciated what you said about your struggles re: giving up control of your home and your family. Honestly, I KNOW that is what would be hardest for me if I were in your shoes: to think of all the time/care/love I've poured into my kids and to realize that I would not be around to "finish the job." THANK YOU for your perspecitve on that! You have helped me remember that God is bigger than ME. I also know what you said about all of us being where you are at some point is very true, and how comforting it must be to you to know that you are not the first to be there.
Thank you for allowing God to use you and for your transparency. You will certainly be in my prayers.
Amy Herbster

Anonymous said...

You don't know me. I just saw your blog on a friend's FB page. I'm a Christian, but a Christian with doubts. Is it real? Is it true? Reading your words of faith touched me so much. I'm going to print it so I can re-read it and learn from it. I'm also a mom so from that point, my heart breaks for you. Also, because I'm a mom, I'm in awe at your faith and trust. I will keep you in my prayers daily. Thank you for sharing your experience, faith and words of wisdom. May God bless and keep you and your family.

Kevin Jackson said...

Praying for you and your family. I'm fighting another type of cancer, and really appreciate you sharing your feelings and insights.

Anonymous said...


You and your family are on our hearts and in our prayers. May the God of all comfort continue to glorify Himself as He upholds you with His grace and enfolds you in His arms. May He meet all the needs of you your heart, soul, and body. We will continue to pray for your family in the days to come.

Thank you for being a willing servant of His to share with others your daily joys and struggles. As we see God's grace alive and working in you, we are blessed and encouraged to know our great God even better.

What a blessing to know that you are prepared and joyful to meet your Creator and Friend. May our Shepherd continue to gently lead and care for you and your loved ones.

Continuing in steadfast prayer for you and your family,

Melinda (Butts) Henderson

Valentine Anantharaj said...

Dear Amy -

You have touched our lives in indelible ways even though we have been acquainted for only such short period of time. We will cherish your memory.

Thank you for leaving this post as a legacy. May God continue to use your life.

You have been a true friend of those of us from India.

We are praying for you and your family.

Erin Thompson said...

Dear Amy, Thank you for your godly testimony and honest yet encouraging words. I look forward to seeing you again someday. Until then , I will continue to pray for you and your husband and precious children. May the God of all comfort , comfort you and your loved ones at this time. Love you dearly...Erin Thompson

SonjaVillalobos said...

You don't know me and I don't know you outside of your testimony that was shared by Shari Schlapman. I was at work when I checked my email and couldn't stop reading your testimony. Your words moved me beyond anything I've ever felt. I recently gave my life to Christ and was baptized. You are amazing and the strongest woman I've ever known. I am praying for you and your family and can't wait to meet you on the day Our Father calls me home.

Bob Bixby said...

When J. Gresham Machen was dying he commented that no truth was more precious to him than the idea of the active obedience of Jesus Christ. Though he had accomplished much, he faced regrets. To think that all 33 years of perfect obedience, good preaching, loving touches, and self-denying service was accredited to him was reassuring. Not only did Jesus pay for your sins, Amy. He gives you credit for His life.

Thank you so much for writing this. You knew that you had this ministry to accomplish. You did. We are earnestly praying for you and your family.

Bob and Jennie

Angella D. Crockett said...

Hello Amy,
Though we have never met, I am praying for you and for your family tonight. May the Lord lift the burdens from your heart and that you will forgive yourself for any regrets from your life. May the Lord cover you in love and peace!

Sarah Ann said...

Praying for you, Amy, and for your husband and children. (I am a friend of your in-laws.)

I wanted to share with you a website of another wife and mother who shares her testimony of dying of cancer. She is now with the Lord, but her video testimony is a great blessing.

Anonymous said...

In God, my faithful God,
I trust when dark my road:
Though many woes o'ertake me,
Yet He will not forsake me.
His love it is doth send them
And, when 'tis best will end them.

My sins assail me sore,
But I despair no more.
I trust in Christ, who loves me;
From this Rock nothing moves me.
To Him I all surrender,
To Him, my soul's Defender.

If death my portion be,
Then death is gain to me
And Christ my Life forever,
From whom death cannot sever.
Come when it may, He'll shield me,
To Him I wholly yield me.

O Jesus Christ, my Lord,
So kind in deed and word,
Thou once didst die to save us
Because Thy love would have us
Be heirs of heav'nly gladness
When ends this life of sadness.

"So be it," then I say
With all my heart each day.
Guide us while here we wander
Until we praise Thee yonder.
We, too, dear Lord, adore Thee,
We sing for joy before Thee.

--Sigismund Weingaertner, 1607 (translated by Catherine Winkworth)

Anonymous said...

Praying much for you all as we have been through the years.
Ephesians 1:3~14 are GREAT verses to know ALL we have IN CHRIST ~ IN HIM we are chosen, adopted in God's family, accepted in the Beloved, redeemed, forgiven, and sealed...all that we should be to the praise of HIS glory...ABSOLUTELY NO HUMAN PERFORMANCE, ALL THE SOVERIGN WORK OF GOD, praise His Name.
Thank you so much for your sharing over these past years.
We KNOW "that absent from the body" is to be present with our dear Lord.
Death is not the cessation of life; it is simply a change of life.
You all continue in our prayers that you each will KNOW His comfort, strengthening grace, and eternal love in the coming days.
Blessings, d

Ruthie2boys said...

From Streams in the Desert - July 9

I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction. (Isaiah 48:10)

Doesn't God's Word come to us like a soft rain shower, dispelling the fury of the flames? Isn't it like fireproof armor against which the heat is powerless? Then let afflictions come, for God has chosen me. Poverty, you may walk through my door, but God is already in my house and He has chosen me. Sickness, you may intrude into my life, but I have a cure standing ready - God has chosen me. Whatever occurs in the valley of tears, I know He has chosen me.

Dear Christian, do not be afraid, for Jesus is with you. Through all your fiery trials, His presence is both your comfort and safety. He will never forsake those He has chosen for His own. "Do not be afraid, for I am with you" (Gen. 26:24) is His unfailing word of promise to His chosen ones who are experiencing "the furnace of affliction". Charles H. Spurgeon

Jon and Amy, I remember when you first told our Sunday School class about Amy's cancer and pregancy, you used the story of the three men thrown into the fiery furnace. When I read this devotion this morning, I thought of you, and how you have brought glory to God through all the fiery trials you have faced. People everywhere are now talking about Amy's last post, about her faith, and how God has used your story in their own lives. You have "planted this talent" and seen it bear much fruit, multiplying God's glory. May God be praised, and your hearts be comforted and blessed! Thank you for the incredible exampe you have been to us all!
Ruth Bustamante

Ruthie2boys said...

Pain's furnace heat within me quivers,
God's breath upon the flame does blow;
And all my heart in anguish shivers
And trembles at the fiery glow;
And yet I whisper, "As God will!"
And in the hottest fire hold still.

He comes and lays my heart, all heated,
On the hard anvil, minded so
Into His own fair shape to beat it
With His great hammer, blow on blow;
And yet I whisper, "As God will!"
And at His heaviest blows hold still.

He takes my softened heart and beats it;
The sparks fly off at every blow;
He turns it o'er and o'er and heats it,
And lets it cool and makes it glow;
And yet I whisper, "As God will!"
And in His mighty hand hold still.

Why should I complain? for the sorrow
Then only longer-lived would be;
The end may come, and will tomorrow,
When God has done His work in me;
So I am trusting, "As God will!"
And, trusting to the end, hold still.
by Julius Sturm

I am praying for you all!

Anonymous said...

I do not know you Amy but I am your sister in Christ. I am praying for grace for you and your family. Just think of heaven this way as in regard to your children. I will make heaven so real and so sweet to them to know that their Mother is with Jesus. It will be an easy journey for them someday as they will have you waiting there for them. God bless you and you have helped me see that I need to be so close to God in the days that he has for me to serve him. Psalm 61:2

Anonymous said...

Hi, this is a very poignant and powerful post. I would like permission to post this in its entirety on my blog, of course, citing this blog as its source. Such a gospel-centeredness while in the valley of the shadow of death is a wonderful testimony that would be valuable for unbelievers but also for believers. I was emotionally stirred while reading this and am so grateful for Jesus, the Good Shepherd, who is caring for her whether here or in heaven. Thank you for considering my request. Doug Roman

Theresa said...

Amy thank you for sharing your very touching story with us. You and your family are in our families prayers. Talk care and God Bless. I will have you added to the list of prayers in our church.

Anonymous said...

What a woman of grace you are. What a disciple for our precious Christ you are. What a selfless, generous, wise minister you are. Thank you for sharing your eloquently stated testament with us. God bless you forever and ever, sweet friend. You are Gods hands and feet as you touch so many lives with your glorification of Our Father and of His sharing His only Christ Jesus with us. What a gift you have given us to see things through His eyes. Thank you, precious.

Claudia said...

Amy, your sharing has given me a stronger faith in God and the human spirit. It is such a miracle how you are facing your days and inspiring others to never give up hope in God. I know God will continue to walk with your beautiful family. The grace that got you this far will guide you onward. May my prayers and spiritual huggs surround you and grant you Peace, Dear Amy.

Blankiris said...

Just last week I witnessed the passing of a dear friend and when he took his last breath tears streamed down my face and I praised and thanked our Lord for taking his pain away and embracing him to eternal life. I have witnessed two passing the first was my 21 year old son. "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints." Psalm 116:15 May God bless you and your family and give you strength.

Anonymous said...

You beatiful lady

also one of His

DeAnna said...

We are praying for your dear family. And Amy I have to say that your last blog post has helped me see eternity in a clear light like never before. I have shared your blog post with several family members that do not know the Lord so they too may see eternity from your eyes. You have been such a blessing during this journey. Thank you for this gift you have given so many of us.

Anonymous said...

Amy, I don't know you personally but I feel like I do. Thank you for documenting this journey and for allowing us to share it with you. You have been on my mind and in my prayers for weeks. Your words have touched me in so many ways. I thank you for taking the time to write them down and be a light for so many. God bless you on your walk home.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you dear Amy, You are a very dear soul and I pray a miracle for you. May Gods will be done! Love you!

NayfiesMama said...

Very sad for you; Praying for peace for you and your family. I'm sure you've touched many that you won't meet on this earth. Reading the blog has reminded me, again, of how short this life is, and "only what's done for Christ will last". With Love, Carrie

Joyce Fann said...

Hello Amy,
You are precious and such a blessing. I am praying for you and your family. You are a great encourager. I called my twin sister, Julia Iverson, and told her about your testimony. She is also battling cancer. She is a Christian but struggles with the cancer and making decisions. May you continue to be a blessing and a comfort to others. I spoke with your sister Teresa at Hampton Park tonight. She has also been a blessing to me. Love in Christ, Joyce Fann

Ashley Joiner said...

Amy, thank you for writing this post. I want you to know that God used your testimony to encourage someone who has never even met you. We're praying for you and your family.

Brenda said...

For some reason, I had not been able to connect to your blog. I asked last night at Church if anyone had any news and was informed that YOU had made a post. I just now had a chance to read it. I cried, I smiled and I thanked God for the chance to be touched by your life. Thank you so much for sharing your life with me. I have been touched in ways I can't explain. I only have a few heroes in my life, but you are definitely one of them. You have fulfilled the mission God gave you and I know, without a doubt, you will hear the coveted words "welcome home, My good and faithful servant". This post has opened my eyes to many things I need to do as I enter the golden years of my life. Thank you again, Amy. God bless you.

Debbie Mauldin said...

Amy--I just read your blog this morning. As the tears pour down my face I am keenly aware that you are so ready to meet your Lord. I was diagnosed with stage III rectal cancer 3 years ago. Although right now things are in remission, I am fully aware of the potential ahead. I only pray that I will be able to face it as you have, should God choose to bring it back into my life. Please know of my prayers for you, your precious husband and children, and all those who love you. I will never meet you this side of glory-but you have touched my life.
Debbie Mauldin-Farmington, NM

Claudia said...

Thinking of you Amy and you a God-filled day. Love surrounds you, sun is shining out your window, a hug from all who see you, you are comfortable, nourished and know many are praying for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Dearest Amy - A close friend shared your story and your blog with me. What a wonderful blessing that has been for me. As I read through it, I was so awed by what a faith-filled woman of God you are. My prayers will be with your family and friends as I know that your warm and wonderful spirit will be sorely missed in the coming days but I know too that when the time comes they will take such joy in knowing that Our Lord has welcomed you home with open arms and has you safely in his care.

Kathy Moore said...

Dear Amy ---- You do not know me. I attend your cousin's (Bob Bixby) Church in Rockford ILL. After reading your blog, I'm so reminded of Matthew 7:13-14 text of Scripture. I worked for a Hospice for 11 yrs & in all of those years I had the privilege of caring for those "few" on the narrow way about 5 times. Those who were truly prepared & with joyful anticipation desiring to meet the Lord Jesus Christ. Not to say they did not have challenges or suffering in the process. These individuals, like you, Amy verbally & boldly shared their faith, hope & love, showing us how to live & how to die in the Lord; for as you so correctly said, we will all be in this position one day --- unfortunately people in America deny & "run" from this most important event in our lives. As we often would say at Hospice: "nobody wants to discuss the pink elephant in the room". Amy, you mentioned something about what to expect -- that is sometimes difficult to foreknow, but one thing I did learn & often said while working for Hospice: "we think God's grace is great in life, it is even greater when He calls us HOME.
Amy, thank you for allowing me & others to be privileged to have a glimpse into this most sacred event in your life.
I will be upholding you & your family to Christ's throne of grace. In His Love & MIne --- Kathy Moore

Anonymous said...

Dar Amy, You have blessed may by sharing thru this blog. I saw the "other Amy's" post and was prepared to see a final tribute to you, but instead I was priviledged to read you remarkable comments today. And on a day in which I needed them. See we buried my mother-in-law today. You blog depicts the last 48 hours of her life so well that they could have been her words. The Junior Church has been trying to learn John 3:16. God has tied our lives together, and yet me haven't met...yet. Thank you for sharing. See you face to face one day.

Nora said...

Amy I just found your has so moved me. I live in Colo. Spgs. you are so close to me I just want to come sit with you and hold your hand and pray for you. God is right there with you, don't forget that...all my love and prayers.

Andy Bonikowsky said...

Thank you, Amy, for your article. It is a blessing and a testimony to the goodness and faithfulness of God. Our congregation in northern Spain will be praying for you and your family. Hebrews 13:14. AB

Anonymous said...

Amy, a friend shared your blog with me. Thanks so much for sharing this...God used you in a powerful way to make it clear to me that living for eternity is all that matters. Trusting God and letting Him be LORD and letting go of past mistakes and regrets. Nothing can separate us from His love. Praying for you!

Anonymous said...

My son died the year he was a senior in H/S, like you, too young. My mind and the Holy Spirit disassembled the 23rd Psalm for me. A shadow is not solid, it's an illusion it is here one moment and gone the next, it can only be seen in context to the sun. If it were not for the brightness of the sun the shadow would not exist. If it were not for the glory of the son death could not exist. Death is a gift, it was never part of the punishment for the fall; it was the manner of escape from the punishment. When God created death it was for our own good, it is the doorway we pass through to enter into the world God intended for us in the beginning. It is a shadow, an illusion. It is not solid, it is not a closed door but an open one. My son is not dead in the sense that death implies. If my child did not exist my soul would know that, my soul knows he lives. Just as you will live… absence from here is nothing but an illusion. God’s speed to you Amy, and bless you for unselfishly sharing your journey. You seem to be an incredible woman and I look forward to meeting you someday. Do me a favor? After you have your grand reunion, look up my son and kiss him on the forehead and tell him it’s from his Mom… You’ll see it’ll be easy, Heaven has a very small town atmosphere. Thanks!

Rhonae Stodola said...

So thankful for the rest of the verse where it says "thou art with me". It is so evident that God is with you during this time. Will continue to pray for God to be near to you as well as Jon and the children. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. It has renewed my vision to make sure I am living each day with eternity in mind!

Elle757 said...

Dear Amy, You have been a sweet testimony to me and I honor you for how your strength in Jesus Christ has touched my heart! My prayers cannot always find the words to say for you and ALL your family. But I know that God's Holy Spirit utters my heart's cry. I love you! Aunt Lois

Anonymous said...

New Grace
by Tom Hayes
All of grace is my story,
all the way from earth to glory,
Since by grace He lifted me
from sin and woe.
Living grace He has extended
as on Him my heart depended,
And He'll give new grace
when it's my time to go.
Grace not yet discovered,
grace not yet uncovered,
Grace from His bountiful store;
Grace to cross the river,
grace to face forever,
There'll be new grace
I've not needed before.

There's been grace for ev'ry trial,
there's been grace for ev'ry mile,
There's been grace sufficient from
His vast supply;
Grace to make my heart more tender,
grace to love and pray for sinners,
But there'll be new grace
when it's my time to die.
Grace not yet discovered,
grace not yet uncovered,
Grace from His bountiful store;
Grace to cross the river,
grace to face forever,
There'll be new grace
I've not needed before.

Finally Home (chorus)
by Don Wyrtzen/L.E. Singer
But just think of stepping on shore
and finding it heaven!
Of touching a hand
and finding it God's!
Of breathing new air
and finding it celestial!
Of waking up in glory
and finding it home!

These songs have been on my heart as I've been praying for you these last several days. Debbie A

Amy said...

Jon and Amy,
We are all praying for you and your family. Our church family has been praying fervently since your first diagnosis. You have been a tremendous blessing and spiritual encouragement in your darkest days. Your faith has been greatly used in my life. I still remember meeting you for first timr at college. You were encourgement then just as you are now. We are praying.

Anonymous said...

Amy. I heard your name for the first time from Toni Hafler this past Saturday. My wife Joann has been battling cancer for about 18 months now and the Gracious God in whom you clearly delight has been teaching us the same things He has taught you. Romans 8 is one of the most intimate revelations the world will ever know.
One would think that we would hate cancer, but He has shown us that without such infirmities we would likely be estranged from Him. What a blessing that the Lord is clinging to you now in a manner that will only become closer and will never end. I understand that you don't love to sing so I will sing on your behalf. "It will be worth it all, when we see Jesus. This world will seem so small, when we see Christ. One look at His dear face, all sorrow will erase. So gladly run the race, Til we see Christ. Amen, dear Sister.
John Ebel, Littleton, CO

Nancy said...

Dear Amy, I found my way here by a link given to me by my precious daughter. God has provided healing for many souls via you and your blog around the world. For us to have insight to the dying process (sorry I'm a nurse) from an emotional and spiritual standpoint is reassuring evidence that God does indeed walk with us in the Shadow of Death regardless of when it comes. May you be blessed today by all of the responses and may God hold you in the palm of His Hand and cover you and your family with His Love. I look forward to meeting you in Heaven, may the peace that passes understanding be yours today.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Amy!! Look at the difference you are making in this world!! You've taken an awful experience and used it to further the gospel of Christ and glorify your Lord and saviour every step of the way!! God has molded you into an amazing woman!! You may not feel so amazing, but he truly has... and it is very clear that I am not the only one who thinks so!! I found your blog through friends who are praying for you and your precious family... I read it all in less than a 24 hour time span, I couldn't stop reading. I know God gives grace for each situation as we need it, as believers, but for someone who has not yet been to this road of life, sometimes we (as humans who constantly fall short) wonder if it will really be enough to get us through... you have shown us that it IS enough!! God will take care of us completely through each and every step of the journey home!! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences!! You have been a blessing to SO many people. I passed your blog along as well and friends of mine are reading it now too, friends who may not have that saving knowledge of Jesus Christ yet!! Just look at the impact you are having on this world!! Because you took your awful situation and decided to blog about it, maybe at first just so family members and friends could have updates, people are getting saved or saved are being reassured of the faith they knew was real, but constantly questioned, looking to see God's face. YOU have shown us God's sweet face, Amy! Thank you!!! We are praying for you!! I think of you SO many times each and every day, and I have never even met you or any of your family! You have so many praying for you and your husband and children!! I look forward to meeting you some day!! Thank you for doing your part here on earth, to further God's love and desire to see all of his creation some day again, in his perfect place!! God Bless you as you rest in him. May you have the most precious time with your family in these coming days... we love you Amy!!

Christena said...

Amy, I don't think I have ever met you. I went to Colonial Hills with Phebe Satterfield, Mrs. Young was my 3rd grade teacher, and knew a few of her siblings, so I wonder if we did meet as children and I just don't remember it. Strangely enough, I also knew Jon as a teenager at our church. We have been praying for you and your family for some time now, after Phebe posted a link to your blog quite a while ago. I can't even imagine how difficult this is, but we have been so blessed reading your posts, especially this one. Thank you so much for sharing so much of yourself with all of us. You and your family are constantly in our thoughts and prayers.

Christena (Marenda) Villarreal

Anonymous said...

Dear Amy, When I read your testimony saturday I began to cry, I was so sad. I pray that God gives you His perfect peace and help you and also your husband and children (they are so sweet, so beautiful). I don't know you, I live in France, but I can feel your sorrow and pain and I ask God to help and comfort you and I know I will meet you on eternity and we know that in that beautiful place, sorrow, tears, separation will not exist, we will be happy forever. Even if I don't know you I love you !

Anonymous said...

Sweet Amy, Thank you for reminding us that we are indeed living in the light of eternity. This isn’t it. There’s so much more. I’ve been thinking of you lately in the context of Romans 12:1, “ Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.” Your body may be broken and failing you a little more every day, yet you continue to give God the glory. Thank you for leading by example. You and your family are in our thoughts & prayers, Lisa Carter.

Anonymous said...

Dear Amy,

My family is deeply moved by your blogs and your immense and palpable faith. We have never met, but we are praying for you. You are an inspiration and not just you, but God through you. Thank you for sharing your hope and fears. You are more than a conqueror. God Bless you and your family richly. -Alexis and Mike

Anonymous said...

Amy, thank you for writing back to me. I treasure your words... honest ones. God has not changed in the least and nothing can possibly separate you from His great love for you. Enjoy Heaven, Amy. Soon we will be there with you... and oh my, will we sing! Your desire to see Jesus is going to fulfilled very soon. And He will comfort your loved ones just as He promised. Loving you.

George Wood said...

May God bless you, Amy. I recently came across a picture of you and my son Carl Wood receiving plaques from Al Goodwin as the two of you tied for the top quizzer in Piedmont Quizzing Association in 1991 I believe. Through quiz, I've known a mother of six who died just after her last child was born, and a mother of five who died the day her 5th was born. They left wonderful testimonies but did not have the opportunity you've had to discuss eternity with their family and friends just before going there. Thanks for encouraging and challenging all of us to be more like Christ. - GW

JoAnna said...

I attend church with your husband's aunt (Bonnie G.) and I have been following your story for a few months. I wept reading your words, but not for sadness really. Your faith in Christ and what He is showing you -- and enabling you to show to others -- is so incredibly beautiful. As a 21 year old woman facing some decisions in life, your post was such an encouragement to me. . .if we could have every guarantee that we could want, i.e., long life, a happy marriage, a successful job, healthy children, etc. but could not have the gift of eternal life and the Life-giver Himself, Jesus Christ -- what would all those things profit us? Nothing. . .

I don't know what my life may hold, or how long it will be. But you have reminded me that God is the ultimate Treasure and that no matter what, I will have Him, and this drives away and fear and leaves only faith, hope and love. You have fought the good fight, dear sister in the LORD, and I pray that when the time comes that God calls me HOME I will finish well like you have. Love to you and your family!!! -- JoAnna.

Joy Peabody said...

Hi Amy,
You don't know me, but a friend had a facebook link and asked for prayer for you and your family. I've been reading your posts with tears falling and sobs stifled. What an encouragement you are, and may God continue to use you in so many lives for as many days as He has ordained for you.

elohimsgirlchild said...

I'm so sorry you never found natural healing,I am so sorry!!! the best thing you can do now is get Kangen water, google it, and it's free from the nearest distributor. God bless you.

elohimsgirlchild said...

I am so sorry! I healed naturally from breast cancer and would be on my way Home, had I not. The one thing I can suggest right now is google Kangen water, and get it free from the nearest distributor. It alkalizes the body and cancer can't survive in an alkaline environment.
So sorry, again, and may God comfort you and raise you up, even now.
Blessings and Love

Teresa said...

I live close to your Aunt Becky and have followed your blog for awhile. This was such a powerful entry and one I have thought back on several times. We have devotions each morning at the office where I work and I plan to share some of this there tomorrow. I can assure you that we will all be praying for you and for your family. Your willingness to share this journey and your heart with others, even in these last days is humbling. Your reward is close and I know you are ready to receive it.

Julie Shanks said...

I do not know you but received your information from my sister, Jeanette. Thank you so much for your words of comfort that glorify our Lord. God has been working on my perspective of life and eternity. Your testimony is such a blessing. May God grant us all the grace to trust Him with every day of our lives and to live with the reality that all of our lives hang by a thread. May we see the urgency of the condition of the lost around us who have no great sure Hope that we have in Christ Jesus our Lord. What a day that will be when we all are with Christ forever. I look forward to that day. May God help you to cast all your care on Him for He cares for you.

cj and family said...

May the Lord give you and your family abundant measures of grace and blessing in these last hours ... may every memory be precious ... tears are in my eyes and prayers are in my heart for you, your husband, and your beautiful children.
A sister in Christ.

Julie Fisher said...

Amy, I knew you from HP many years ago...but I just saw your blog posted on a friend's FB page. Thank-you so much for your honesty and testimony for our Lord. I know He will say, "Well done." I will be praying for you and your family. So thankful that God is sovereign and that He is good.
Julie Dickert Fisher

J.Nicole Photography said...

Amy and family,

I spent the last hour tearfully praying for you all. After reading your blog post, there can be no doubt that God is upholding you with his right hand. You are a beautiful testimony, Amy. May God continue to strengthen you as you complete this final and greatest victory.

Love, Joscelyn Beaudin

Jeff and Kimberly M said...

I am praying for you and your family and only hope when i am at this point I can be like you. Stage 4 is a kick in the teeth, but I hope I can handle it with the grace, fight and determination while showing God that you have.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for taking time in your precious and last days to write and share from your heart so beautifully and honestly as you point to Christ in testifying of God's grace! It was a blessing and a challenge to me and such a reminder that we as believers are to--and must--live in light of eternity and the fact of meeting our Savior face to face! The strong testimony of faith you and Jon have continually demonstrated throughout your entire journey of this trial has been an example to Rudy and me. We are praying for the Lord to give you, Jon and your children much grace in the hours and days ahead (as well as to each of your extended families)! Love and prayers, Rachel (Scovill) Cordeiro

Anonymous said...

Dear Amy, do you know how many friends have posted a link to your blog on facebook? So many, your story is reaching far more than you could ever imagine. . . thank you for showing us the face of Jesus in this great trial. . .
Soon the door will open and you will have the most wonderful moment of all- - you will see the dear Lord Jesus face to face. . . . thank you for showing us-- Him.

Anonymous said...

Amy, I am continuing to pray for you, Jon, and the children as you continue on this journey. I know that God is with you as He has promised He will be. I love you, Aunt Sarah

Anonymous said...

Dear Amy and family,
Oh, how I pray for you all. For God's strength to be magnified in our weakness and for His presence to be your defense and our blessed hope to be your peace.

Yesterday was the anniversary of my mom's graduation to eternity. Although it is not the same trial your children will face, because I am practically an old woman and they are young, be assured that I have found our Savior and his Word completely sufficient to meet every need and desire, more than sufficient.

I do pray for your comfort and for good memories to be made with your family. But most of all, for the glorious appearing of Jesus Christ when the saved on earth shall gather over on the other shore.... Together with each other in His presence.

If I do not see you here on earth again, I will see you in eternity. Know that our prayers will continue for your family. I know that Kara has many aunts and grandmothers to call on, a great youth staff and friends too, but I am available if she ever wants to talk.

Thank you for your testimony and for sharing this path with us. May God be glorified!

Candy Trygstad

Cathy said...

I'm still praying for all of you. Sincerely, Cathy Kanz

Elle757 said...

Dear Amy, I'm at an elderly friend's home today, hemming her Walmart work pants. Although I am busy, you are on my mind and in my prayers. I have been truly blessed by your testimony throughout this illness you're enduring. I love you dearly and pray for God's tender mercies on your journey home to Him. Your family is so precious and my heart aches for them as well. As I mentioned before, my words do not come easilyas I pray. God's Holy Spirit sends my heart's desire to my Father. Love, Aunt Lois

Lee said...

Once in a while a truly beautiful person enters your life. Thank you Amy for being in mine.

*Allison* said...

I am praying for you and your family as you go through this time! I have been keeping up with your blog for quite a while now and really appreciate your testimony! Praying your journey to Heaven is smooth and for strength for your family, too!

Love in Christ,
Allison Workman

Here are some Bibles verses that have been an encouragement to me...

II Samuel 22:33
"God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect"

Philipians 4:13
"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

Psalm 46:1
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

SILVIA said...

great post honey =D

Anonymous said...

All the way from SC- I don't even know you but a friend posted your blog on her FB page. You will never know how reading it has touched me to my core. Thank you will never be enough, but I know you will get your reward in heaven from our Almighty God. Your faith is so amazing and I pray many blessings for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your are an angel!

Claudia said...

Amy, you have God and all of us holding you close. We are thinking of you as you close your eyes tonight. The stars and heavens are shining bright for you. Just stopped by to let you know I was thinking of you before I too go to sleep. Sweet dreams.

Lisa said...

May God Bless you with His merciful love and Grace.
Praying for you and your family.
In Christ
Lisa Peeler

Anonymous said...

Amy, Jon and Family;

I do not know you other than what I have read on your blog. A mutual friend of ours posts links to your blog and prayer requests - and I always read...but this post was one I felt compelled to comment on - as tears stream down my cheeks. In 2001 - on his 40th birthday, I lost my Dad to terminal liver cancer and May of 2010 lost my aunt. I sympathize with your family, and pray for them and you alike on a daily basis.

Amy; your strength astounds me. I admire the strength you show and even more so, your faith. I personally went through a dark period for the past two years, and seeing how deep your faith is gives me hope that my relationship with God can only improve.

I find your story - your battle - so inspirational. I hope for nothing but good things for you. I pray daily, and added your name to a few prayer chains at my alma mater - Messiah College.

Jon and Kids; praying for strength and perseverance as you embark upon this journey with Amy.

Peace and Blessings


Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing the evidences of God's matchless grace in your life. He is good and His steadfast love endures forever. Our prayers are with you.
You mentioned checking into alternative therapies. Have you looked into Vincent Gammill at the Center for the study of natural oncology? He's in California. His number: 1-858-523-9144.

LaRae said...

I wish I had know you. Sometimes, I see your husband walking to church with your kids. (I live farther east in your neighborhood). I read your blog for the first time today and God's grace pouring through you and your words is an amazing testimony. I knew others would be touched by your words, so I linked to your blog in my own cancer blog. I hope that is okay - I just wanted more people to know you. May God's hand continue to rest on you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Merciful God, O abounding in love,
Faithful to keep us from falling;
Guiding our ways with Your fatherly heart,
Growing our faith with each testing.
God speed the day struggles will end;
Faultless we'll gaze on Your glory.
Then we will stand overwhelmed by the mercy of God.

Using this song as a prayer for you today, Lori Visser

Warren Baldwin said...

Very moving post. In prayer for you and your family.

Elizabeth Neal said...

Thank you so much for sharing this. Praying for you.

Ann Voskamp @Holy Experience said...

I am praying with you tonight, Amy... Praying. Praising. Purposing.

Eucharisteo, sweet sister -- Bless the Lord, O My Soul...

Your life... it brings me to my knees and tears stream here --- the exquisite beauty of you. Him in You.

More love than thin letters can hold...

Brisa K said...

Amy and family,
I have not met you, but the "other Amy" is my midwife. I have been following your story and praying for you since the beginning. My church has also had you on our weekly prayer list. You have been such an ecouragement to me. My heart is heavy, thinking as a mother, what it would be like to be in your shoes, but as a daughter of The King, I am excited, for you will soon be face to face with our Savior! I hope, that when faced with life's trials, I will leave a legacy for my children as precious as the legacy you are leaving for yours. Your testimony is beautiful and I had to read a portion of your last post to my church last Sunday after singing "Be Still" by Steven Curtis Chapman. I pray that you have been blessed by the readers of this blog as they have been blessed by your testimony. Many people, myself included, are praying for you and your family in these dark days ahead. I feel led to make a commitment to you to pray for your children in the years ahead, until they all reach adulthood. I know that if you were to be on earth, you would be praying for them daily, and I want to do that for you. Your little Gilead was born right between my boys, so as I pray for them each day, I will pray for your seven precious children. God willing, I will be praying for a total of 14 children daily by the time we stop having children!! Although I've never met you, I love you all and look forward to meeting you someday in Heaven.
Brisa K. from SC

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