Chemo #9

My last chemo...believe it or not I've had mixed feelings. I won't miss feeling bad (this treatment has been the worst), but now I begin to wonder, "What if I have to do this all over again?" My emotions have felt kind of pregnant - that is, my feelings are all topsy-turvy, the way the tend to be when I'm pregnant (familiar territory). Radiation planning is on July 13, and the actual treatments will begin sometime that week. I hope to be finished with that by the end of August. Sometime soon I'll start taking Tamoxifen, a pill form of chemo that suppresses estrogen production since my type of cancer was feeding off of estrogen. I'll have to take that for 5 years.

I can't believe how much has changed since last October. My family continues to grow up even though I sometimes feel like my life has been placed on hold. I still can't believe we have another precious baby. A year ago, I adamantly stated that I didn't want any more children. I'm so glad we don't always get what we want. Cara walked into the youth group with feet nearly the same size as mine. John is standing on the edge of adolescence with feet that are bigger than mine. (For those of you who have never seen my feet, that's not small.) I guess one of the things that has changed the most around here has been shoes. We feel like we're buying a new pair every week. By the time I'm finished with the six-year treatment routine for this cancer, we'll have a daughter just a few months from adulthood. Amazing.